Darkness
Spreading through the room once the lights go off
That’s when It comes out.
It lives in the night.
It haunts those who can see It.
It comes in many different shapes and forms.
It terrorizes mundanes when night falls.
It’s everywhere.
In the mind where no one can escape It.
Making you scream out for help in the dark.
It happens every night.
Where people just don’t want to sleep anymore.
But once years go by.
It’ll all stop.
But the memories are there forever.
To always remind you of what had happened when the light decided to leave and let the darkness take over.
Waking up to hearing myself screaming
Sweating
Heart beating rapidly
Shaking
It’ll always be in the back of your head.
Of what It has done to make you suffer.
In the Darkness
The poem that I wrote above was something that I had to deal with when I was younger. Night terrors is a sleep disorder and cause feelings of terror or dread. It would happen to me a lot in a week. I would usually wake up by screaming or one of my parents trying to wake me up from it. After when someone would wake me up, I look around and I would always remember seeing something standing behind the person. Whether it was my mom or my dad there was always this dark figure just lurking. At the time I didn’t know it was my mind but it honestly really scared me. I couldn’t sleep without It just standing in the corner of the room. Having night terrors really affected my life at the time. I would always be too afraid to go sleep because I knew I was to have another episode and that is what really scared me the most. I don’t remember everything because when you have night terrors you usually don’t remember much of the night. The only thing I really do remember is seeing multiple figures in the dark that would always seem to come closer to me the longer I looked at them. The idea just seemed to pop into my head to talk about something that I usually don’t talk about very often. So I wanted to share it to the blog.
“Encroaching Darkness.” Inklings, 19 Oct. 2015, inklingoverlords.wordpress.com/2015/10/18/encroaching-darkness-2/.
Dear Rania,
I liked how you based this poem on you’re personal experience with night terrors I think that it add a really nice depth in your writing.
One thing that I would say you need to work on is grammer in your poem their are some laces were I would have added commas and periods to make the writing flow better.
I really enjoyed reading your work and I think that it was a really good idea to write about your night terrors
Sincerely,
Aliza
Dear Aliza,
Thank you for giving some tips on how I can make my poem better I will try to incorporate it into my future works. Also, thank you for taking the time to read my poem I really appreciate it
From,
Rania
Dear Rania,
I really loved this piece and how you were able to be so descriptive due to your experiences with night terrors. I personally have dealt with and am still dealing with night terrors, and your description was so spot on. It was a very powerful piece.
One thing I think would’ve added to this piece is if in all the instances where you used “It” that you have it italicized, rather than only ever so often.
I look forward to reading your other posts.
Sincerely, Jatinpal
Dear Jatinpal
I’m glad someone could relate to me on a personal level because I feel like it is very important to know. Hopefully, in the future, those night terror will get out of your life and let you sleep peacefully. I also want to tell you that I’m grateful to have met you and that you are a spectacular person.
.
Sincerely,
Rania
Dear Rania,
Wow! This piece is really emotional since you told a very personal side of you in a very beautiful way. When you told me about the sleeping disorder “night terrors”, I learned something different about you and your personal story to the poem. I really appreciate the fact that you took the effort to reveal a unique part of you, as an individual.
As of improvements, I would suggest that you extend the poem a bit longer to satisfy the reader’s want to read more. As a reader, I wanted to read more of your poem and how this disorder affects you in all ways. Moreover, after the line, ” Sweating, heart beating rapidly, shaking”, I would suggest you add more descriptive detail such as how your hands and legs may have felt, what was you face expression,
and how you dealt with the issue afterwards. Not only that, I would suggest you provide rich details to some of the parts of your sentences. For example, when you said, “it comes in many different shapes and forms”, you could have described the detail of which specific shape or the colours that may have been associated with the disorder that you were suffering with. In addition, in one of your lines, you had a sentence that said, “But the memories are there forever”. In this sentence, I felt you could have described which memories were held in your mind and which memories you felt were fearful and how it has impacted you in a negative way.
Once again, I really enjoyed reading your April Free Choice and keep working harder! Thanks for sharing such a lovely poem and I hope to see more of your posts on your blog. Once again, thank you for sharing such a sweet poem.
Sincerely,
Ayesha
Dear Ayesha,
Thank for actually reading my piece. I will take your advice next time I write such a piece. When I was reading your improvements in my head I was like “oh yeah that’s so true” I really do appreciate the advice you gave me because in the future it’ll make me a stronger writer
Sincerely,
Rania
Rania
This was a great piece, and you did well in articulating a horror that can seldom be described. I especially appreciated your utilization of formatting techniques such as italics and bold to give certain words their needed emphasis, and I felt that added layer of depth brought this piece up a few rungs.
A consideration for improvement that I would give to you would be, ironically enough, the other aspects of your formatting. There are several points in this piece where I feel a comma was the necessary choice, rather than a period. Keeping this in mind would improve the flow and the reading of your pieces, and I would suggest taking this into account for your next writing piece.
You did a great job illustrating fear, and the unique terror that is one’s nightmares. Well done, Rania.
Regards, Liam